It's thursday and of course I rode my bike this morning. I sure haven't been feeling well on the bike. It feels like I have nothing in the tank. I am really confused with my performance the past few weeks, and it is beginning to concern me. I am contemplating having blood work done to see if there is anything really wrong with me. I'm sure it is just fatigue. Needless to say I am not very happy with my performances the past few weeks and when that happens I end up training even harder to get over the bump.

I had my yearly review last night. I have never been very comfortable speaking to people (it took me five years to take my freshman speech class in college!!), and the owner of my company is no exception. The man has been like a father figure to me for six years. He let me work over Christmas breaks, summer vacation, and even Thanksgiving. I don't know why I get like this, but I hope it is something that will go away in time. All in all the meeting was ok by my standards. I spoke to my supervisor this morning about it and he thought it went well, but I am such a pessimist and therefore think it went like crap. The owner had a few good things to say, and a few things he wanted me to work on. I completely agreed with him and hope that the outcome is positive.

I think it is good for a person to reflect on there life and project into the future. Recently I have been thinking about who I have become, and who I would like to be in the next five or ten years. I have realized that I don't need to be so hard on myself. In the past 25 years I have accomplished a lot and reached some very high goals. I have pushed myself very hard to get where I am today, but did I really enjoy that time? College was one of the best experiences of my life. I came away with some great friends, great memories, and a hard earned B.S. in Engineering. I have survived my first full year in my new house, and have managed to reach a high personal goal on my bike. Although there has always been one thing missing from my life. Other then Gabby (my dog) I have not had any one to share these accomplishments with. Recently this has hit me very hard, and I have felt all alone. I have always said there is no hope for me, and put myself down, but I think there might be a light at the end of the tunnel for me. It could be a very very tinny light, but a light nonetheless. I need to think more positively, and set goals for the next five to ten years of my life. I think I would make a great father, and a great husband. Now if this happens in five or ten years I don't really know, but I hope so. 

I better get back to work.

until next time...